Mental health is such a taboo topic. I went back and forth on whether I breach this topic or not, but it has been so relevant in my life especially in these last few months. Bear with me as I let my guard down a little bit and try to express to you the mental monsters I deal with in my daily life. Let me premise this by saying I am in no way, shape, or form looking for sympathy, sorrow, or attention. I feel called to bring this up to bring awareness to mental health in our society and to open myself up as a resource for others who may be feeling alone in this battle. My experience is not to be understood as a representation of everyone who struggles with mental health, but rather as an example of what someone might be going through.
As a student in the health profession, I am constantly learning about how to help others. We learn about how to care for, manage, treat, and cure our future patients. Throughout my education, even starting back in high school and my undergraduate studies, I have learned about mental health. I’ve learned these things from the outside looking in, but with an inside that is screaming about how incorrect a lot of the information is, or on how those of us who have internal mental monsters KNOW that we are “going to be okay” and how we KNOW that “it’s not the end of the world” but that we cannot control the unhealthy thoughts that go on in our heads. As an educated person, and as someone who has battled anxiety and depression since I was in late elementary/early middle school, I feel well equipped to share my thoughts on mental health with all of you.
I have had successes and failures with various counselors/therapists, I have had successes and failures with medications to help with my anxiety and depression, I have had successes and failures with self-help books/podcasts/motivational speakers, and I have had successes and failures with trying to manage my mental health on my own. That’s just how it goes, though, we have good days and bad days. I have also found that things that used to help me in the past, don’t quite make the cut anymore, but also that things that used to not work for me, are successful at times now. The craziest thing of all is that I have the ability to know that I am acting/thinking irrationally but still cannot make it stop. I have the knowledge and education to know that what I am feeling is not within reason, but I cannot snap out of it just because I am thinking “okay this isn’t real you can stop being dramatic now”. I can run, but I just cannot hide from it. It’s not that easy. I think that my particular problem is trying to get over the past, look forward to the future, but to also figure out a way to be active in the present. A lot of my depression seeds from issues from my past, a lot of my anxiety stems from the unknown of the future and thus my present is the fruit of an unorganized mixture of the two.
I know for me, personally, for many years I just dealt with my mental monsters by suppressing them and pretending that I was fine. A lot of my friends and family had (and perhaps for some of you this may be the first time you’ve heard these things from me) no idea what in the heck was going on in my head. The truth is, I didn’t really know what was going on either. I was ashamed and embarrassed. I opted to just try really hard to succeed in sports, my education, and my friendships so people couldn’t see me falling apart on the inside. As I have gotten older, more culturally aware, and let some of my walls down, I have realized that I am not the only one who is feeling this way. I have learned that there are millions of people in this crazy world who struggle silently right along with me. (Don’t miss that: Silently) .
We live in a society where we are blasted with social media that portrays all of these awesome experiences, happy faces and everyone’s “perfect” lives. We don’t see the bad days. We don’t see the struggles. We don’t see it because people don’t want to bring up that side of their lives. It’s no wonder that middle school, high school, and even most of adulthood, is such a confusing time because what we see on the internet and what we feel on the inside at times are completely contradictory.
I know by now you’re probably wondering, what does this even have to do with being a PA student? Why is she bringing this up on this PA school blog? Well, let me tell you why. Although I would never ever wish my anxiety and depression on anyone, I am a firm believer in the fact that God made me this way to shape me into the person that I am to become. My life experiences have prepared me to help connect with many different people. As a Resident Assistant (RA) in undergrad I was able to connect with other students better as they tried to come to terms with their own life experiences, as a big sister I have been able to connect with my other siblings about our struggles, as a girlfriend I am able to better connect and continue to grow with my boyfriend through our struggles as a couple, as a friend I can connect with other friends, and as a PA I am going to be able to connect with my patients better someday because of this. Something that we have to constantly remind ourselves is that in order to be able to successfully take care of someone else, we need to be able to take care of ourselves first.
We have seen the tragedy of mental health all over social media (Kate Spade, Anthony Bourdain, Robin Williams, Demi Lovato, and MANY, MANY, MANY MORE). Over and over again, people hear that even those who are closest to them had “no idea” or “didn’t realize it had gotten THAT bad”. Y’all. Listen. There are high functioning people in this world who are dealing with these mental monsters too. It doesn’t matter who you are (famous/not, rich/poor, educated/not, various races, religions, backgrounds, etc.) people are afraid to bring up their mental health struggles. We don’t want people to know, or to feel bad, or to judge, or to make a “big deal out of things”. If you take anything out of this (very long) blog post I hope that it is this: Observe, listen, and do something.
If you personally struggle with your mental health:
Observe: know when you need to take a break, try to recognize your triggers and look for ways to help you manage the chaos going on in your mind.
Listen: You are not alone on this journey. I’ll say it again, YOU ARE NOT ALONE. There are people in this world that want to help you, connect with you, and bring peace into your life.
Do Something: Literally anything. Things are not going to change unless you are willing to take a step out of that dark place and at least try something new. Reach out to a family member, friend or therapist. Take a vacation, sometimes all you need is a change of scenery. Watch cute videos of puppies, or look through old photos. Take a walk, go for a run, do some yoga, hit the gym, and get those endorphins going.
If you don’t struggle with mental health, but you want to be a resource/friend to someone who does:
Observe: recognize when someone you love or care about or see everyday is acting different. Notice when people are distancing themselves, or when you notice that someone is harming (or threatening to harm) themselves. Please don’t be oblivious. Sometimes when you think someone is “acting out” or “behaving funny” it’s because they are trying to see if people are noticing.
Listen: If someone opens up to you, you need to give them your undivided attention. Put your phone down and really listen to what they are saying. This is a HUGE step for them to tell you about their lives. Most of us who struggle with this will tell you what we want/need from you. It might just be that we need a hug, or that we need to cancel our dinner plans, or that we just need a girl’s day where we just have some fun. I know for me, personally, I tried to bring my mental health up to some people and it was either brushed off as “not a big deal” or in one instance became a center of mockery of me being a “crazy person” (yeah, no wonder people don’t want to bring stuff up). Just listen to what they have to say.
Do Something: Intervene. Check in on your friends. Be an advocate for them. If you notice something unhealthy SAY SOMETHING. Let people know and understand that you are there to help them (and not judge them). Be active, honest, sincere and willing to be a voice for someone who is struggling to find theirs.
Mental health is not some new phenomenon, it has been around for years. Today, people are just a little bit more open about it as our society has backed off a little bit on judgement (we still have a long way to go). The whole concept about mental health is entirely complex and utterly confusing. We still have a ton to learn, and I could talk about this for literally hours but I want to end with this. It is okay to not be okay. Take it one day at a time, and as cliché as it sounds things really do get better, even on days when it doesn’t seem like it. Reach out to your friends. Check in on each other. Don’t be afraid to talk about it. It’s time to break the silence. Let’s start today.
“Turn your demons into art, your shadow into a friend, your fear into fuel, your failures into teachers, your weaknesses into reasons to keep fighting. Don’t waste your pain. Recycle your heart.” – Andrea Balt
XOXO Paige
Paige the PA 